Here’s what I’d like to know:

1. What was the pitch for this commercial? “Mets pitchers eat fancy dinner and look vaguely menacing.”
2. Did you start with the Mets rotation and build a commercial?
3. Or did you have the idea and fit it for the starting four?
4. Why four? I know it was four in the New Testament, but you’re already taking enough liberties. It’s a five-man rotation.
5. Did Zack Wheeler not want to participate?
6. Do you not consider Wheeler part of the rotation?
7. Aren’t we supposed to be pretending he’s part of the rotation?
8. Why do we always go along with the ridiculous things the Mets try to convince us of?
9. Why do the Mets consistently pretend things are happening that definitely aren’t happening?
10. What is that vague pile of mush the waiter’s carrying out?
11. Is it supposed to be fancy? This is clearly a fancy restaurant.
12. Why not just give them meat and potatoes?
13. Or steak?
14. Or ribs? We’re going full stereotype here. Might as well give the men some meat.
15. Okay, here comes the narration. Now I’ll figure out what’s going on. “This season, on baseball: For the first time, in a very, very long time, the four horsemen of Queens are back together.” You mean, July? It really wasn’t that long ago. We waited longer between seasons of “Sherlock.”
16. Look how happy Syndergaard is! Is Harvey funny?
17. Or is Syndergaard just a good actor?
18. We know deGrom and Matz get along. Syndergaard’s in mourning over losing Bartolo Colon. Does Harvey have friends on the staff?
19. Do players need to have friends on their team?
20. Or is it enough to just get along with everyone in the clubhouse?
21. Does any of it matter?
22. deGrom isn’t really laughing. Was Harvey’s joke not that funny after all?
23. “No more canceled plans.” Are we talking about surgeries?
24. Or are we supposed to think they had plans during the offseason?
25. My friends and I take turns canceling so no one feels bad. Do Harvey, Syndergaard, deGrom, and Matz rotate too?
26. Which one of the four is the one to feign sick when he really just wants to stay home and watch Netflix in his pajamas?
27. Is that where Wheeler is?
28. “The reservation is set.” Are you talking about Opening Day?
29. Or the dinner reservation?
30. Couldn’t you get a take where Syndergaard isn’t rubbing his eye for like an hour?
31. “These guys are locked and loaded and hungry.” I still don’t know if we’re talking about dinner or baseball. Is that the point? It’s rather heavy-handed.
32. Why is Matz holding his fork like that?
33. Is that a Long Island thing?
34. Or does he really just not know how to hold a fork?
35. How has no one ever told him that’s not how you hold a fork?
36. Of the four, Harvey definitely wines and dines the most. Do the other three?
37. Where does Syndergaard bring dates?
38. Does deGrom hire a babysitter for his son and take his wife out?
39. Will any of them sign extensions because of a really good piece of salmon?
40. “Serious question: Are we looking at the best staff in baseball?” Well, are we?